Prescription For Disaster
by The Phantom of Perversion
Summary: What is a bored, bedridden Akito to do to pass his time? Well, you may be shocked to hear that he lives a very eventful life! From gay bars to Mcdonalds, to tick or treating and fairs. Indeed, life is odd for he, and sometimes very smelly.
1. A Date With Ronald

A/N: HELLO FELLOW FANFIC FREAKS! After like a year of being internet-less, I am now back online and ready to write some more horrible, pointless crap! Buwhah! And in that whole year, I have become uberlly obessed with Fruits Basket! Or more specifically, Akito Sohma!

Yes yes, I know what your thinking: "Dude………..the dudes a chick." Right? Well here's what I have to say on that matter:  
Puts fingers in ears and starts to hum Ayame's Song NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRUE NOT TRRUUUUEEEE!

I'm totally ignoring that fact in this ficcy (And in life)! He's too cool and pretty to be female! So there. (He just has a few issues, like gynecomastia.)

Anywho's……….Well I totally disturbed him in this as well…….but it's all in good fun! Like I've said, I adore !him!

Well read on and enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING IN THIS FIC! PLEASE FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART DON'T SUE MEEE!

Prescription For Disaster

CH 1

A Date With Ronald

Akito's POV:

What a boring day.

I mean all days were quite boring, but this was unbearable.

Hatori Whore was looking over documents of my health (which were indeed, tremendously long) in his office, and the rest of my family was avoiding me.

Not that I blamed them of course.

Actually yes, I do blame them. Damn them to hell. Insufferable I-Can-Do-Whatever-I-Want-Cause-I'm-Not-Dying bastards.

I don't sound too bitter do I?

Well anyway, all I had for company was my birdies.

They don't have much too say, kind of tiresome if you were to ask me. Like talking to a brick wall.

Plus they sometimes tend to smell.

And I loathe smelly things.

Ahh, sigh, so utterly bored.

Suddenly, an idea came to me!

I sprang from my place on the tatami tiled floor, (Hmm, someday I'll have to find a comfier place to wallow in self pity, it does dreadful things to my poor scrawny ass.) of course, doing this, caused my kimono to slip off my pale shoulders.

I guess this means I'll have to change if I wanted my plan to succeed.

I glared at the bird that still sat on my finger.

"De-robe me." I replied to it.

With that said, the white birdie flew off. But he heard what I said all right, oh he KNEW! But he just disobeyed my order! Damn you, I'll eat you someday.

If I ever have an appetite.

Now, to search for a slave-servant person to robe me in more appropriate clothing!

Bwhaha!

A short time later, I found myself dressed in my "town" clothes. Which were my black tight pants, my black tight long sleeved top, my black knee high socks, my black loafers, and of course my black sparkly thong.

What?

Akito Glare.

I didn't ask you for your opinion! I AM THE HEAD OF THIS FAMILY AND I'LL DO AS I PLEASE!

Plus, it makes me jolly to know that this may be the only secret Whore Tori does not know about.

…………Or does he?

Akito Glare.

I slithered my way into Hatori Whores Office, where I found him as his desk going over….something, but I really don't give a damn what. It's most likely about me.

Hm, maybe I do give a damn after all…..But I have other things do deal with at the moment!

I tried to speak, but damn it all, my voice has failed me!

I tired again, this time I was able to come up with enough saliva and oxygen to speak a few words.

"Hatori" I whispered.

Hatori Whore looked up from his work, and stared at me with his one pretty olive eye.

Oh yes, so very pretty.

He's my pretty Whore Tori. My own personal he-bitch.

"Akito-sama? What are you doing out of bed?" He inquired.

I shot him my smile. You know what smile I'm talking about. The one where I just curve my lip up a bit. So sexy! So sadistic! So very me-ish! Bwha! Fear me!

Open mouth.

Failed.

Gather up oxygen and saliva….

Success!

"I'm going out." I replied simply.

I watch in amusement as his one beautiful eye opens wide.

"Out?" He spoke, "As in outside?"

Time for the Akito Glare. Well of COURSE outside! Where the hell would I go! You smelly dipshit!

"Yes. Outside." I said stiffly.

Hatori Whore swallowed.

Damn you, you can waste that saliva without a second thought, can't you!

"But, Akito-sama, with your health-"

"My health if fine to go out for a stroll. Is that too much to ask?"

Whore Tori swallowed again, (How I HATE it when he does that) and nodded.

"Alright then, how long will you be gone for?"

How long? Hmm….Never thought about that.

Gather up enough breath this time, andddddd….

"Expect me when I am back. Until then." And with that, I slithered out of the room.

Once I was out in the main hallway, I ordered a slave-servant person to open the main door, which led to the outside world.

I was met with sunlight.

Squint.

Sigh.

Akito Glare.

"Stupid sunlight." I muttered to no one in particular. I do that quite a bit.

I walked out to the main roadway, and then stopped.

I just remembered something that I should have thought about before….

Where was I going to go?

As I stared at the street, which was completely uninhabited, ideas popped through my head on what I could do.

I could walk somewhere.

I could glare at people.

Or I could stare at the new types of birds that inhabit the outside!

…..

I need a new hobby.

In the end, it was a sign that helped me choose.

A sign that said the words in bright yellow letters, "McDonalds, We're lovin' it!"

Hmmm….Who is this McDonald person? And what is it that he is providing that makes people "love it?"

Perhaps he's a smelly prostitute?

Well my fri-, slave, apparently I have to take the next exit on the left to find out!

A very long, and tiring 1 hour walk later, (How the hell was I supposed to know that the exit was 1 km away! 1 bloody kilometer! My body wasn't made to walk that distance!) I found myself in front of a brick building, with the letter 'M' plastered all over the place.

This McDonald person must be quite popular.

I walked to the main door where people, overweight, smelly ones, walked in and out.

Hmmmm, how odd.

This door was not sliding.

Nor was there and slave-servant people to open it.

Sigh.

Akito Glare.

I'll just open it myself then!

Grab handle, pull.

I see I have not summoned enough strength.

Grasp handle, heave.

Still nothing.

Well bloody freaking hell! Can't this McDonald man invest in better doors!

Oh look, a sign is on the door.

"Push" It read.

Very long Akito Glare.

Grip handle and push.

SUCCESS!

I walk into this house place thingy, and see seats everywhere.

If I had known better, I would have said that it was some sort of American restaurant!

I slowly made my way up to the counter, where one of the employees worked.

….What a stupid, stupid hat she wore.

And that apron! Please female, invest in the color BLACK!

"HI! Can I take your order?" She said in a perky, high pitched voice.

My ears weren't made to listen to this type of annoying speech!

Oxygen, saliva andddd….

"I came to see Mr. McDonald."

This female looked at me as if I were a he/she!

…..

I suppose she did have the right to stare then…..

Akito Glare.

"Excuse me?" She stuttered.

Stupid speech impairment.

"You heard what I said." I spat.

The female was starting to look nervous.

Haha, yes, you SHOULD be nervous. For I am me! Akito Sohma! Maybe she wasn't as dumb as she looked!

But she then just smiled.

Forget what I just said.

"Oh, you must mean a Happy Meal!" She exclaimed.

…The hell? A……..A………Happy Meal?

"Do I look like the type who would want this freakin' HAPPY MEAL!" I roared.

But alas, she wasn't paying attention to me.

"Okay, what kind of drink would you like with that?" She asked.

Maybe this McDonald man gave out drinks when he was in a 'meeting'?

"Sake." I said.

She stared dumbly at me again.

It truly does pain me to talk to someone with such a low IQ.

"Fine then, coffee." Ahhh, coffee. My only love. Besides my birdies. But sadly, Hatori Whore never lets me drink it. 'Bad for your bladder' my pale ass.

Meanwhile, the twit was punching in a few buttons on what looked like a cash register.

"Okay that comes to $3.89! Is this to stay or to go?"

Okay, so now this man actually charges for meetings!

….Not a bad idea actually, I should consider it myself.

But what does she mean, to stay or to go? After every minute it looked more likely that this man was indeed a smelly street whore.

"Stay" I say, hopefully that will shut her up. Plus I gave her the said amount.

She smiled again, (I HATE her!) and handed me a tray with a bag and a cup of coffee on it.

…

…

Was this man a midget and is hiding in the bag?

I sure as hell hope not.

Secret phobia, midgets.

….

Momiji.

….

I trembled.

So now I gathered up my strength and lifted the tray, then walked to an open seat, where I stared at the bag for a little while, as my coffee grew chilly.

Sometime later, after glaring at a little kid across from me, I opened the bag.

Inside lay 3 small articles:

A bag of fries. Shockingly, I knew what these were, I too did have a childhood. For a full 2 weeks, oh how much of a nuisance I was!

Flashback:

"What's wrong Akito sama!" Hatori Whore asked the hysterical 3-year-old Akito who sat in the dark corner of the room, clutching in his arms a broken glass geisha girl doll.

"………Waaa." I replied, staring at my bitch with cold, dead, dry eyes, which caused him to back up a bit.

"What is it Akito?" Hatori pressed on.

"…………………Waaaaa." I wailed, as I rocked back and forth on the tatami.

End Flashback.

Ohhh I was such a crybaby terror!

Oh yes, back to the items in the bag.

A round-like object that was wrapped in a horrible, bright yellow package.

And what's this? I picked up the plastic object.

Some sort of, child's toy?

…Shifty eye look.

I pocketed it for later use. Maybe it would provide more conversational skills then my birdies. (And that clown doll from childhood)

After taking a sip of my coffee, (Ahh, I gurgled with pleasure!) I turned to the round thing.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I open it.

Inside lay what looked like a bread bun with a hunk of brown stuff in the middle.

Shifty eye look.

I take a sniff of the thing.

Extremely smelly.

It smelt of…..

Plastic.

And some saw dust.

But also, a hint of…………Meat?

Sniff, Sniff…. Feline meat to be more accurate!

Meat…….how long has it been since I ate it?

A few years I suppose.

Ever since I developed that 'digestive issue', as Whore Tori would say.

So what if I ate a lamb chop and couldn't stop disposing of it! …I think you have an idea what I mean.

But, Hatori Whore wasn't here.

Akito Smirk.

What's the worse that could happen? I have to take a Tums? Get Whore-Tori to shove a suppository up my ass?

Just the thought of making him do that made me quiver in glee! Tee hee!

I raised the meat like thing and…

Bite.

Chew.

Attempt to swallow.

Failed.

Chew some more.

Swallow, success!

Hm, greasy.

Good thing Hatori Whore isn't here, he would just keep on telling me how bad an idea it is as he swallows his stupid spit.

A few more bites later I'm starting to feel ill.

But I keep eating, it's like morphine. I just can't get enough of it.

….

….

Meat slab in bun is gone now.

I really regret it eating it. I mean, I have never even had an appetite! (I forgot about the whole "hungry" thing once I got my 5th severe disease.) The best I could get down was a few freaking crackers. Now I have eaten this immensely large thing.

Holy crap…………..the cramps!

Ohhh…I shant have thought the word 'crap'……

I hold my non-existent waistline, and cringe.

That little annoying brat across from me is now smiling at me.

Damn you!

I knew I needed something………..but what! What was it again! This feeling…..

YES!

That was it!

A……..a Toilet!

I look around desperately, for a sign of a toilet.

The only thing I see was a door with a distorted man painted on it.

I think it was supposed to be a human male at least.

Taking my chances, I run (crawl) my way towards it.

Inside the room, there was a line of sinks, plus a few enclosed spaces.

Perhaps that is where the toilet resides!

I open the door closest to me.

Success!

Alas, I have found the waste disposer!

Wasting no time, I ran inside the door and closed it behind me.

…

…

What?

Do you expect me to describe what took place?

Let me tell you this, when a person, after Sohma knows how long, takes THAT kind of bowel movement, it's something that I wish to celebrate ALONE!

…

…

…

I could not help but smile, Hatori Whore will be proud of me.

But I will share one thing with you….

Normally when I dispose myself of unwanted liquid, Whore Tori comes in and pushes down the knob thing and it flushes.

Not this time though.

As soon as I get up, it flushes, automatically!

Well of course it startled me! It would do that to you as well! And I'm sure that many other people have ran out of the stall thing with their pantaloons at their ankles gasping for breath after that happens!

All in all, it is not an incident I would like to repeat.

After I washed my dirty hands under the dirty, smelly water, and had the long and annoying task of zipping up my pants, I went back outside into the chair area.

I noticed that someone had cleaned up the place where I once sat at, which kind of ticked me off.

I didn't even get to order them to do it.

Akito Glare.

I looked at the clock on the wall, it read 6:14 pm. Hmm, time sure does fly when you have THAT hard of a task.

I think you all know what task I'm talking about here.

And in the end I didn't even have a meeting with Mr. McDonald.

And it didn't even occur to me until I was almost at my home, that maybe that meat slab WAS Mr. McDonald and the people there are just sadistic cannibals.

Oh well.

Akito Smirk.

At 7:30 I arrived back at my place, where I was met with a frantic Whore Tori. (Oh Hatori Whore, you're so ugly when you cringe your pretty little face up like that! It'll give you wrinkles!)

"Akito-sama!" He gasped, "I am relived that you are well."

Akito Glare. He was such a terrible actor, we all know that you hoped that I would kick the bucket while I was out on my adventure!

Deep breath, anddd…

"Hehe, so sorrrrrry about that. I just…….Lost track of time, I think." Wow, long sentence. Go me.

Hatori Whore went back to his usual ice bitch self. "That's good news, how was your time out?"

I smirked, "Marvelous, I even disposed myself of solid waste." I couldn't help but let out a true smile, (Which is very very rare) It's not everyday that I make bowel movement on my own you know!

Hmmm….He looked disgusted at that fact, but….why?

At the end, he just nodded. "Good for you Akito-sama, now maybe you should have a rest?" He stated.

I nodded, a rest did sound like a perfect plan. All that walking and glaring and pushing……and of course zipping up my pants.

"Yes, maybe I shall. And maybe tomorrow I'll go out again Hatori-chan."

He looked absolutely terrified at that fact.

And I had only one thing to say about that.

Akito Smirk.

A/N: And that would be the end of the 1st ch! Horrible wasn't it? Well I guess I will never know how terrible it is until you REVIEW! …Please? Chibi Akito sadist eyes

Well to see ch 2, you should really review! Till I write again!

DG3


	2. The Consequences Of Urine Infested Java

A/N: YODLES! It is it, DG3, here to update the second Ch of this horrible, pointless, stupid fic!

Hears silence from readers

Thank you to all who reviewed by the way! I reallllllly appreciated it! hands everyone chewable vitamins shaped like Akito's head

Well in this ch be warned, it DOES involve certain types of situations in a certain type of dance club………..get my drift?

Well, read on and ENJOY!

Prescription For Disaster

CH2

The Consequences Of Urine Infested Java.

Ahh…What a beautiful night sky!

A shame really, that I could not be out there to enjoy it.

I unexpectedly had the urge to open my eyes wide in surprise, so I did.

Haven't I already had the same urge to go outside?

And didn't I have a solution?

I looked over to the small "McDonald" toy, which sat on my bed, he had giant eyes and was very furry. And he even lit up with pretty little lights sometimes! I think the Hatori Whore called it a "Furby".

Hence the name, Flufflies. Which I dubbed him. Which suits him. Says I.

Oh yes, I did get out. And had a entrancing time too…

Why not do it again tonight?

No one dared to stand in my way of course!

Akito Grin.

But! What was I to do? If I remember correctly, not many stores were open in the night.

So what could a teenage boy do at night?

The answer was a phone call away!

5 minutes later, I had finally found the phone and dialed the number. (Though I had to get some slave-servant person, I'm afraid that after getting cataracts, I don't see as well as I used to.)

One ring.

Why hasn't he answered yet!

Two rings.

Oh this was bloody maddening! ANSWER IT!

"Hello?"

Bwhaa! Success!

Gather up breath like Whore-Tori showed me anddd…

"Ahoy Ahoy, my precious cow."

Well? Who did you expect I was calling! Yuki!…..

Not a bad idea now that I thought about it.

How I craved to hear his pretty, eerie, girly voice!

But I suppose that my Haru will be fine for now.

I heard a quick intake of breath on the other line. Ha, it's a pain in the ass when that happens, doesn't it Hatsuharu?

"A…Akito-sama?" He asked in a trembling voice.

This is the kind of crap I'm still breathing for, so I can freak the hell out of people.

"Yes Haru, it is the all and powerful me."

There was a few seconds silence, and the cow finally thought of something to say.

"Is……..there something I can help you with?"

Ah! Bingo! The correct question to ask my dairy cow!

"Yes actually, I was wondering………..What do you do at night?"

Hmm, more silence from the other line of the phone. Maybe he wasn't as smart as I hoped?

"I sleep" He said simply.

Yes, definitely not as smart as I first anticipated, I mean, he is a cow after all. Smelly, foul, stupid creatures they are.

"Tee hee, such a comedian you are my cow! I mean what do you do for activity wise in town at night? Is that to hard to understand?" Dear me! That long sentence hurt my aching throat! Well, not as painful as it was when I was yelling at that Tohru female for Akito knows how long! Ugh………..the throbbing!

Oh, the cow was already talking to me.

"-ing off to yuki……and of course the main event is clubbing of course!"

….

Clubbing?

….

What does he do, go around with a bat and club people do death!

….

Hmmm…interesting.

….

Hatsuharu just gained a bit more respect from me.

"So, you club people to death?" I inquired.

Silence.

Well answer me my minion!

"Um………not exactly….." He replied.

Not exactly? What is that supposed to mean?

"Like dance clubs, Akito-sama."

Oh!

Well this changes everything then, I suppose.

I've head of them before, as bizarre as it sounds. A gathering of idiots dressed oddly jump around to music and get sweaty……..and smelly. So very smelly.

It would piss Hatori Whore off so very, very much.

Akito Grin.

"I see," I replied to him after that thought, "Thank you cow." And with that, I hung up on him. I just adore doing that!

It was a perfect plan, going 'clubbing'.

First thing was first, I need clothing.

But alas, what type of clothing? It was supposed to be weird and in my case, slutty.

I made my way to my closet and looked inside to see if I saw any suitable clothing.

Kimono……..kimono…….under kimono………thong (that work nicely I suppose) and about 5 duplicates of the black pants and tops.

Sigh, but I wanted to wear something….

Fresh!

Flashy!

Club-ish!

I needed Hatori Whore!

Well, his dresser of clothes to be more specific.

So that is where I went off too! Of course, being myself, I had full rights to enter his room.

For I am Akito Sohma.

Fear me.

Once in Whore-Tori's room, I went straight to his dresser and opened the first drawer.

Hmm….Underwear, socks and sleep wear…….handcuffs.

Handcuffs?

….

This is one of those times where I just pretend I didn't see that, I think. (But of course, I confiscated them for my own personal use.)

On to the second drawer!

This one had a bit more choices in it!

I picked up what looked like a red and orange button-up flannel shirt, it looked rather………..fruity.

Ah! I think they call this a "Hawaiian shirt!" I smiled.

….

What was my bitch doing with a shirt like this?

I shrug the thought off and hang onto the shirt, it would work nicely.

I walked back to my room, not bothering to see if any of Whore-Tori's pants fit me, as I know that they won't. Unlike him, I have no body fat.

I called for another slave/servant person to dress me, and a few minutes later, I had my black pants on, my black sparkly thong that said, "Spank Me But Not To Hard" and Hatori Whore's fruity shirt, which was buttoned to my chin.

I looked into the full-length mirror.

And took a quick intake of breath, which caused me to become moderately dizzy.

Akito Glare.

I looked like Ayame with this florescent shirt buttoned up so high!

Damn those servant/slave people and their no fashion wisdom!

I struggled to open up the buttons, and after 5 minutes was able to undo the shirt.

I looked back into the mirror to admire my hard work. There I stood, my pale bony chest and midriff exposed. Which of course showed off most of my ribs, hips, and a few entrails.

Satisfied with my appearance, I slowly make my way to Whore Tori's office, where he's most likely sleeping, lazy ass.

Halfway there, I notice something sitting on one of the chairs in the hallway!

Dear me, it looked like Momiji's green girly hat!

….

….

Well, I'm supposed to look original if I'm going clubbing, right?

So, I stick it on my head.

Now, I am ready.

Akito Smirk.

Finally at my bitch's office, I find him starring outside the window.

Really, you're a freaking doctor; you would think you would do more intellectual stuff then that!

I had to resist the urge to demand him to come 'clubbing' with me.

And deep breath…..

"Hatori?" Damn, I hate that name, so plain, so un-rude! So un-me!

Hatori Whore spins around to look at me, where his jaw drops.

What? Is the hat too much?

"Is that my shirt?" He asks.

Out of all the things to ask, he asks if this is his shirt! Shouldn't he, as my bitch, ask if I'm cold! Damn him and his pretty eye! I would take the other eye out if I weren't dying!

"That is of no importance to you." I shot at him.

Finally, realizing his rudeness, stops starting at my pretty pale chest and stares at the floor.

Yes, I've trained my bitch well.

"I'm going out, expect me when I return." I said, and turned around to leave.

But of course, he has to talk again. Doesn't he ever shut up!

"Your going out again, Akito-sama?………In that?" I see him nod to my outfit.

Akito Glare.

"Yes. I am. I bid you goodnight." With that said, I slither out of the room and out into the night skies! Bwhaa!

Once I stepped outside, I was utterly happy that I did not have to squint this time. Bless the darkness!

Hmm…

I looked to the left.

I looked to the right.

….

Where was this clubbing place anyway?

….

That damn cow didn't even have the decency to tell me before he hung up on the all and powerful me! Akito Sohma!

He will pay!

Deciding that the best thing I could do was to walk into the main part of town, (Oh great, the dreaded 1 km walk!) I started to walk off into that direction.

45 minutes later, (Well look at that, I skimmed off 15 minutes from my last walk into town, who's the best? I'm the best!)

I looked at all the buildings that surrounded me.

…

…

Now what the hell do I do?

Before I could come up with a brilliant plan, a voice cut into my thoughts.

"Uh ohhh! Looks like you're a little looosttt! Mind if I help?" Said a rather girly male voice.

I spun around (Well not really, if I were to do that I would most certainly lose my balance and die. But go with me here.) and looked at the speaker.

Oh myyy! He looked exactly like my Yuki-chan! But his hair was blond. And he wore what looked like some sort of space suit………?

I smiled sexily.

I liked him already.

Oh I will make him my bitch.

Gather up breath.

"Yes you may, I'm going clubbing. But I'm afraid I've lost my way. Dreadful, is it not?" I said calmly to the man.

The man just giggled.

Okay so he was a little tad too fruity for my liking.

"Oh it's your lucky day mister! I'm going to my favoriteee club now! You wanna come along?"

….

Did I?

He was rather………queer.

But he did resemble Yuki dear.

I nodded.

The girly male jumped, then grabbed my hand and pranced off.

….

Remind me again why the hell I'm doing this?

Oh yes.

To piss off Hatori Whore.

It better damn well be worth it.

Thankfully it wasn't a long walk, and before I knew it, I was standing in front of a building with the words "Club Lube" lit up in bright purple.

Hm…

Something seemed wrong about this 'club'.

But I couldn't put my finger on it.

I ignored it though, nothing would dare harm me!

….Minus those 'few' illnesses I had.

So, departing from the Yuki-like man for the moment, I pushed past the men in the crowd and went up to the steps of the building, where a big, hairy, worrier type of man stood.

He smiled at me and winked.

I felt dirty.

And with dirty brings smelly.

I hate smelly things.

But he let me through the doors without a word, so I let it slide.

I'm starting to become too considerate, I know.

Once inside I was met with lights……

Oodles of florescent lights.

And what looked like a dance floor. (I'm guessing that was what it was, as a bunch of people were dancing there)

And of course exceedingly loud music.

Terrible music.

I myself enjoyed chamber music and folk.

But this sounded very……loud and vocal.

And of course, lots of men.

….

….

A surprising amount of men.

Very girly looking men….how upsetting.

……I am not a hypocrite.

Akito Glare.

Hmmmmm…..they all seem to be staring at me.

Almost…

Hungrily…..

….

Why were they staring at me as if I were a bun with a slab of meat in the middle!

This was starting to upset me.

But I ignored it for the time being, I was here to have a good time!

In the middle of the room sat what looked like some sort of bar, and I just realized how thirsty I was with all that frightful walking!

So, I decided to make a servant get me something to drink there.

I walked towards it and took a seat at the counter, beside an old man with graying hair who was smiling at me.

At least the men here were friendly.

That made me think…..

I hate friendly things.

Damn it to hell.

On the other side of the counter stood the first female I have seen here, she must be the servant.

"You, bring me coffee now." I demanded to her. I love being in control!

The woman winked at me, and handed me a glass of yellow looking water.

It reeked of urine.

Very smelly indeed.

"Here ya go sweet thing!" She said in the most manliness voice possible.

Holy crap.

The female was a male.

But, that still doesn't excuse the fact that it pissed in my java.

PISSED IN MY JAVA!

"Why does my coffee smell like bodily fluids?" I asked it, pushing the large glass back.

The male thing smiled back at me.

I'm taking the longest bath when I get back home.

"It's alcohol, sugar. 'Cause ya looked like you could use some, loosening up, if ya know what I mean honey." It replied back.

Did it just call me honey?

Was that some sort of sexual greeting?

I was going to yell at it and pull it's girly hair, but it had already moved away.

Damn that thing.

That's when it happened.

I was violated.

Someone grabbed my ass.

Well, technically there's only bone and some skin there. So my ass bone.

….Someone just grabbed my ass bone.

I quickly looked behind me and saw that same old man that was sitting beside me, grinning.

Ohhhhhhhh….I have never felt so outraged in my life.

….

Okay that was a lie. But I was still pissed off.

Oxygen and…

"Did you do what I think you just did!" I yelled, yes, yelled. I can sometimes manage to do that………Like that time with the annoying female Tohru.

The old pervert just nodded.

Akito Glare.

Good thing I was worn out from all the walking, or I would have beat up the pedophile.

Let me reword that, I would have demanded someone to beat him to a pulp.

Trying to keep my attention on something else and ignore the man, I pulled the yellow liquid towards and took a small sip.

That's where I blacked out.

…

…

What! You actually expect me to have a high tolerance for this piss flavored water! HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT I LOOK LIKE!

Akito Glare.

I woke up sometime later and found myself in what looked like the bathrooms.

Sprawled out on the floor. The cold, hard, dirty and smelly floor.

My pants were gone for some reason, so my cold bottom was only clad in my black thong.

…

…

I heard wheezing and laughter behind me.

So what did you think I did?

I looked behind me.

There stood the old pervert, in his hands were my pants.

And he was smelling the crotch of them.

That was it. The end. No more for me. I reached the end of my rope……be gone with this shit.

I jumped up, (Yes you read that right, JUMPED!) and ran/crawled my way out of the bathroom, out into the dance floor, past the dance floor and men who were looking verrry lustfully at me, out the doors, and walked quickly back home.

30 minutes later, (Haha! Take THAT 1 km!) I was back at my precious front door, where I wasted no time into barging into.

Inside I was met with a completely freaked Whore Tori.

Akito Smirk.

Oh yes, had you worried didn't I? Bwha! Take that my bitch!

Then I realized that he was staring at my crotch.

I looked down and remembered that I only had on my black thong with the words "Spank Me But Not Too Hard"

Yes, Hatori Whore certainly did have a reason to be freaked about.

"Akito-sama! Where were you! What are you wearing!" He screamed.

Akito Glare. He DARE scream at moi!

Damn him.

I was going to yell at him, but I was totally out of breath. For Akito's sake, I freakin' JUMPED today! And walked fast! I have a perfectly good reason to be breathless!

But I managed to say something.

" I think I was at a gay bar." And with that I blacked out for a second time that day.

….

….

At least I freaked out Whore-Tori.

Akito Smirk.

A/N: THE END!……………………………………

……………Of Ch 2!

Yes, sadly there will be more! Ducks frying pans

So you know the drill by now I think! PLLLEEEASSSSEEEEE REVIEW! It only takes a second! And you don't have to say hardly anything at all if you want!

Well see ya in Ch 3! Till I write again!

DG3


	3. Sickly's Candles

A/N: And here be ch 3! Wow I can't believe you people actually want MORE! Very odd indeed.

OH! And thank you SOOO much for all the reviews again! -Hands out Akito's thong to reviewers-

Hmmm about this ch…….well the rest of the family does make an appearance! Minus Kureno and Rin, why? Well simply because since Akito's actually male in the anime, I decided to stick to the anime version instead of the manga. And as you know, neither Rin nor Kureno make a appearance in the anime! (so sad!) Plus……….it's less people to write about!

Well read on and ENJOY!

DISCLAIMER: ME NO OWN ANYTHING FRUITS BASKET!

Prescription For Disaster

CH 3

Sicklys Candles

It has been two weeks since I ran out of that gay bar, and I still feel dirty.

And smelly.

But! I will be going back to my happy-go-lucky bitch self in no time.

And do you know why?

For in one nights passing, it will be my celebration for coming out of the female uterus!

Or my birthday, if you are stupid.

Which you are, of course.

So what do you think I did?

I demanded a big birthday party of course!

With Cake, piñata's, balloons and games! Clowns! Pony rides! And of course all my gays! (Damn rhyming!)

…

Meaning my slave family.

Oh yes, they will all be coming.

Even that female Tohru girl.

Why you ask?

I feel like pulling her hair.

Akito Smirk.

Along with her, will be Shigure shithead, Smelly Kyou, Yukiiii dear, Ayame, Whore Tori, Midget Momiji, Kisa and her bitch Hiro, Kagura, Haru and Ritsu.

But not Rin or Kureno.

Why?

Because.

….

They don't make much of an appearance.

Plus Rin got all freaking pissy because I asked her to give pony rides.

So I hate her now.

But back to business.

I have also asked (demanded) to go to Mr. McDonalds. Because it's my birthday and I get what I want!……….Which is some of their coffee.

One more sleep and I will be able to look forward to all of this!

Or looking forward to pulling the female's hair.

Either way, horary.

…I really have to stop rhyming, since poets sicken me.

Well it's now my bedtime, (7:30 sure does come fast.) so go away.

15 hours later.

Ahhh! It is now morning I see, dreadful sunny sunlight! How I hate you! But just knowing that today is my celebration of birth, made it tolerable.

I sat up on my therapeutic futon, and waited for a servant/slave person to lift the rest of my body up.

It's too much strain to do that myself of course.

30 minutes later, I was bathed for the 1st time that day, clothed in my hip street clothes, and glaring at my family members which stood in front of me.

Plus that annoying, muddling, female Tohru.

…

…

…

Well!

Weren't they going to wish me a pleasant day!

Or whatever people say when it's their birthday…

Finally, someone spoke!

THE ALL AND POWERFUL ME!

Bwaha!

"Ahoy all! It's good to have everyone here who cares so deeply for me, to attend my celebration of birth." I spoke to my bitch crowd.

Silence…

Finally, Shigure spoke up.

"It's good to be here Akito-Sama! We wouldn't miss it for the world!" He replied cheerfully.

Damn him and his lies! All he wanted was that sugar filled, sweet cake crap!

Well the jokes on him, I'm a diabetic.

So it's sugarless.

And I'm lactose and tolerant.

So it's dairy-less.

Plus I damn well don't even like cake, so it's replaced with fermented Soya beans and raw tofu.

Meanwhile while I was busy daybitching, everyone had decided that they were going to pass on the Mr. McDonalds thing.

Akito Glare.

Blithering idiots!

Well sure I was more then thrilled that they wouldn't be coming, but do you really expect me to show it?

Thought not.

But good old Whore-Tori was to drive me.

Bliss!

So he and I got into his sleek black car (good choice in color I must say.) while the others went inside MY house.

…

…

They better not even THINK about touching Flufflies.

A few minutes later Hatori-Whore and I walked into Mr. McDonalds, where Hatori-Whore walked to the front and asked (Humph! Freaking pussy! Demand bitch! DEMAND!) for two cups of coffee. (Ha! He shall NEVER disobey my orders on my celebration of bitc-I mean birth.)

While he waited for the java, I let my eyes wonder to look for seating.

But, I found something much more interesting.

The sign told me it was a…."Play Area".

Hmm…I don't believe I have ever heard of such word.

So, curious as I was, I slithered over to the sign and read the rest of the large writing. (Finally! Something I could read without squinting!)

"Children under 90 pounds only. Please remove shoes before entering."

….

….

Buwhaa! I was well under 90 pounds! So there was no reason for me not to enter this "Play Area". Oh how I wreathed with ecstatic joy!

Though of course, I wouldn't remove my shoes.

It was very likely it was dirty and smelly in there. Crawling with germs that smelled, and were just waiting for me to show up and give me a few more illnesses.

I gathered up my strength and pushed open the glass door.

Inside the room I was faced with countless ropes, towers, nets and balls.

…

…

…

So now what?

Thankfully, someone there was able to answer my question.

A child, (How outright evil.) no more then 5 years old dragged himself up a rope, climbed the ladder to get to the large tower, and jumped into the area of balls, where evil he then laughed evilly and ran out….evilly.

Did I mention how evil children were?

Back to the task at hand though, by watching the spawn of Satan I was able to figure out that this must be some sort of indoor "playground".

I also figured out that I was unqualified to climb a rope or ladder, or jump.

So I had to resort to plan B.

I crawled into the ball area.

What! Did you expect me to turn around and cry to the people who made this for not making it handicap friendly!

I think not! And you know why?  
For I am Akito Sohma.

And I don't leak from my eyes.

I sat in the middle of the large hole in the ground covered in different colored balls, and pondered the whole point of this.

Of course there was no point, but I just felt like doing it.

It remind me yet again of my childhood…..

FLASHBACK:

Hatori sat and pondered at the young six-year-old Akito who sat in the corner of the darkened room holding a white ball.

"Now Akito, why don't you throw the ball to Hatori?" Asked Hatori.

Akito looked up to him with his cold dead eyes, and without averting his sight, threw the balls towards Hatori.

"Weeeee…." Akito replied lifelessly.

Hatori walked up and grabbed the ball with lay a foot away from Akito.

"Now, wasn't that fun Akito?" Hatori inquired.

"…………..Weeeeee." I responded.

End Of Flashback:

Ahhh! Such a lively little thing I was!

I Suddenly stopped daydreaming….

Something dreadful started to occur.

I started to sink into the depths of the colored balls.

Okay, okay, now I won't panic. I may be weak but I'm sure I'm strong enough to pull myself back up.

Attempt to swim my way back to the top andddd…..

Mission Failed.

Akito Glare.

The balls were well past my head now, and I know that it was only a matter of time before the balls consumed my breathing space and I slowly suffocated.

Of course, I won't not scream for help, that's only for the weak and helpless.

…

…

Okay, so maybe in my case it wouldn't be a bad idea, but it would still ruin my reputation.

Ass-bone finally hit something.

Something pointy.

And pokey.

And bloody painful.

Deep breath and…….

"HATORIIIIII! HATORRIIIIIIII! SAVEEEE MEEE HATORIIIIII!"

Ahh pity, there goes my dignity.

I heard the door slam, footsteps, and then a strong, pretty hand reaching down in the colored balls and grabbing me from the scruff of my top and hauling me up.

There stood my bitch looking terribly alarmed.

Oh Whore-Tori, I have never been so glad to see your pretty eye. Oh how I love you! I would have kissed you if you weren't covered in smelly germs!

"Akito-sama! Are you okay! I heard your scream!" He yelled while he helped me stand on sturdy, ball-less ground.

Well no shit you heard my scream, why else would you come running in? Suddenly had the urge to jump in some balls! To climb a rope or latter? OH HOW I LOATHE YOU!

Hmmm….I was being surprisingly bitchy.

That's when something clicked in.

Something was sticking out my ass-bone.

I looked down towards my behind, and what to my surprise should I find?

A needle!

Yes, a small needle stuck in my ass-bone.

I quickly pulled it out, and noticed there was a note attached to it.

"You are now affected with AIDS." I read aloud.

….

….

….

Akito Snort.

Well I know that!

I've known for about 2 years now!

…

Dear me, what dimwitted dipshits.

All rest assured, I threw the needle back into the ball pen and walked outside, a dazed Hatori-Whore followed me.

A little while later, Whore-Tori and I got out the car and walked into my house, where the main living quarters was decorated with streamers and posters with the motto, "Happy Birthday!"

….

Akito Glare.

How unbelievably tacky.

It must be the work of Tohru Honda.

Because she's tacky and ugly.

And smelly.

Speaking of the girl, she was standing beside Yuki and Kagura, who were engaged in a conversation.

Everyone else stood around the room, looking extremely gloomy and depressed.

…

How wonderful!

Akito Smirk.

Suddenly something incredible happened, Hatori Whore became the life of the party! (Good thing too, as there's no way in hell that I'm gifted to do that.)

The only thing Whore-Tori did was talk, of course. But it was better then nothing.

"I'll grab the piñata." He said to the dull group.

….You mean he actually got one?

…..

I don't even know what a piñata is damnit!

It just sounded clever!

Meanwhile, Hatori Whore came back carrying what looked like a papier-mâché cat and a foamy-like child's bat.

Hm….

Bat + cat Something I have long been dreaming about.

It looked over to the devastated Smelly Kyou, and winked at him. And just for the hell of it, I threw in a lick of my lips. (Of course, not sexually, just um……..okay yeah sexually. What! Yeah he's stupid and smelly, but he's still pretty.)

He quickly hid behind Kazuma.

Bwhah, oh yeah. That got him!

Mission Complete.

Oh, someone was speaking.

"The object to a piñata is too…….smash it. Then get candy." Hatori said to the group.

Oh yes! How WONDERFUL! How wonderfully, bubblingly, frothingly, burstingly, blissingly, orgasmlly, odorlessly, breathtakingly, smashingly wonderful!

But there was more.

"….But you must also be blindfolded." Whore-Tori finished off, and then started the task of hanging up the Kyou smashy smashy doll.

Why blindfold me? I'm already half blind as it is! Screw him!

Ohhhh…..The thought of that thrilled me.

Oh I am ever so lonely.

I sighed, alas, my life is but a gaping void where loneness resides.

And my birdies of course.

Meanwhile outside of my lonely void, Hatori Whore was staring at me holding a bright yellow foam bat in his left hand, and a black blindfold in the other, while the Kyou imitation doll hung from the ceiling with a screw……..tee hee.

"Oh………" I responded bluntly to my bitch posse, " I suppose it's my turn to spank the cat?" Oh how I love seeing Smelly Kyou flinch like that! It just gets the blood pumping in my veins! A very rare occasion indeed.

Without any more delay the others were causing me, I walked to Hatori Whore while the other freaks stood around him and myself.

Deep breath.

"Well? Are you going to tie me up so I can whack off at the cat!" I sneered at him.

That sentence earned a good gasp from Smelly Kyou.

Wasting no time, Whore-Tori quickly put the cloth around my eyes and handed me that stupid bat thing.

Oh this is such bliss! Here I am, armed with a big, bad, bat, as my dearest family stood around me.

Happiness engulfed me, I couldn't control my urges, this was just to perfect!

I am sorry to say that was the day I nearly killed my family. (Okay, maybe not so sorry.)

I walked straight ahead of me and started to pummel the unfortunate soul who stood in the way.

Lift bat, swing and hit, yell in pleasure, struggle to lift bat, swing and hit, yell in pleasure again and throw in a few profanities.

Oh yes! This was better then sex!

Well it's better then I would imagine sex to be like. (Weak heart, remember?)

Suddenly, I heard a voice!

It was that insufferable Hiro!

"Should I stop him? He's wrinkling my outfit."

Oh yes, hurting you like hell isn't it!

"Just let him continue, it might tire him out."

Stupid Hatori Whore! It won't tire me out!

But damn, this bat was getting freaking impossible to lift!

Another voice spoke up, Ayame's I believe, but I wasn't really listening. Too bloodthirsty at the time.

"Um, I think it's time I get the cake."

The next few moments were a complete blur, all I remember was someone grasping the big bad bat from my hands and wrenching it from my death hold on it, and then someone taking my blindfold off.

Everyone stood around me staring at me quizzically, Hiro was right in front of me looking annoyed but not damaged.

….

The hell!

He should be at my feet!

Covered in blood and maybe some entrails!

Begging for me to spare him his life!

But nooooooooo, he just looked at me for a jiffy and walked away!

How unfair! How utterly, annoyingly, stupidly, straightenly, horrificly, ghastly, maliciously, nastily unfair!

I quickly took the 5 Prozac pills Hatori Whore offered me, swallowed them without any water, and glared at each and every one of my family members.

But, someone was missing……Ayame bitch.

How dare he run out on my celebration of birth! Can't he TELL this is supposed to be a freaking sentimental killing spree moment for me!

That's when I heard him.

Singing.

Shudder.

I cranked my neck in the direction of his voice, and there I found him standing in the doorway to the kitchen, holding a cake, and singing some sort of "Happy Birthday" anthem.

Singing horribly.

And where the hell did he get that cake!

But alas, I didn't have time to think about it, because the rest of the bitch clan, plus the female Tohru, joined in on his anthem of horror.

And they sang and they sang and they sang and they sang AND THEY SANG AND THEY SANG AND THEY WOULDN'T SHUP THE HELL UUUPP!

Oh, they quit I think.

As they're all staring at me as I shake my head, with my hands clasped over my ears.

Tee hee, scared you, didn't I?

Yes, I'm not mentally stable.

Fear me.

I looked down at the small table that was by my feet, (Which most likely one of the slave/servant people put there during the horrible singing) and saw what looked like a round, white cake with the words "Happy Birthday" written in plan gray lettering, while 3 small candles sat in the middle of it, slowly burning from the flames which they held.

I looked around at the people who surrounded me, as they stared at the cake looking as gloomy as ever.

……..I take it, I'm supposed to blow the fire out?

I really should save my breath though………

Sighing in defeat, I kneeled down to the cakes level and stared at it for a moment.

It smelled of smoke.

….So much smoke……

I'm starting to feel light headed I think.

Oh dear Aktio……The smoke! It's unbearable! I just keep inhaling it!

The next thing I know, I landed head first into the cake.

Of course by then I had already blacked out, so I didn't have to face the torture of actually smelling that smelly cake!

All in all, it was a shitty birthday. But I got to smack some of my bitches up, so that made it a bit better.

Akito Smirk.

A/N: And there you have it, another pointless ch! Hope you enjoyed it! Hmm…..next ch I think I'll have a Halloween special just for Akito! BUWHAHAHAH! So, until then, PLEASE REVIEWWWW!

Till I write again!

DG3


	4. Something Crippled This Way Crawls

A/N: HAPPY SOON TO BE HALLOWEEN!

…

…

BUWEAHHAAHAHH!

Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooo much to all who reviewed! Hands reviewers a slice of Akito's cake See? Reviewers get special treatment…Hint Hint

Anyyyywho! This would be the 4th CH! Part 1 of the Halloween Special! Buwahah! Yeah and just to warn ya, Akito get's quite…damaged in this one! But don't worry, he'll be good as new in no time! (Hahah, just kidding….)

READ ON AND REVIEW!

Something Crippled This Way Crawls. Part 1

CH 4

Hmmmm….Oh lookie, the news is on!

Oh how I gurgled with pleasure! The news always has depressing things on!

Huh.

But for some abnormal reason, the man looked quite ecstatic while talking. (Damn his happiness!)

" And the weather looks great for Halloween tomorrow, so get out there kiddies and start trick or treating!"

………….

………..

Hall…

O……

What?

…….

Weenie?

……

Did that man just say Hall Of Weenie?

That sick bastard.

I quickly turned off the television with the remote and slowly heaved myself off the therapeutic cushion on the tatami floor.

5 minutes later, after successfully standing up on my own, I looked around the house…..

…..

Hmm…….

Something was…….off.

Why were their pumpkins everywhere?

I looked again.

Holy dung……

They had FACES!

EVIL GRINNING ONES!

Gasping in terror (Which I much later regretted, I was out of breath for so very long!) I walked my pretty legs as fast as they would go to my Hatori Whore.

"HATORI!" I wheezed as I came upon his office.

Whore Tori stared at me oddly and raised an eyebrow from where he sat on his chair.

…..

Not even a freaking hint of worry on him!

THAT BASTARD!

"Akito-sama, what's wrong?" He inquired, standing up and walking over to me.

Oh yes, NOW you're worried! Why Whore Tori! Finally remembered that I PAY FOR YOUR SERVICES! HMM!

Trying to calm myself down (I don't think I could stand another stroke or heart attack) I stared back at my bitch.

"Hatori, my house is polluted with evil grinning PUMPKINS!

Hatori Whore stared at me quizzically for a few moments, then a look of realization came over his pretty face.

"Oh Akito, those are just decorations. There called "Jack-O-Lanterns".

The HELL! Decorations! For what! New years is still a few months away!

And what provoked the man to use demonic vegetables for decorations!

And here the sadist was worrying about the situation of my mind!

Seeing the look on my pale face, Hatori quickly explained;

" Akito-sama, it's for Halloween."

…..Halloween?

Sounds familiar, but I just can't recall from where.

Gather up breath Akito.

"What is this…..Halloween?" I questioned.

Whore Tori was quick to explain;

" It's a time when children dress up in frightening outfits and go house to house for candy. The whole holiday is supposed to be fear-provoking."

….

….

….

Candy?

Wow, it's been quite some time since I heard that word!

Gather up breath…..

"But why is it, Hatori, that I have not heard of such a holiday before this?"

"Well it's fall Akito. Normally your too bedridden to go anywhere."

I guess that makes sense.

……….But………

I'm not bedridden this fall.

Akito Smirk.

"I appreciate the information you provided me with Hatori. I'll be gone for a while. Goodbye." That being said, I turned from my whore and walked through the doors.

With a goal in my grasp!

Plenty of free time!

And an odd feeling in my chest!

…….

Oh wait.

I quickly pounded my chest a few times with my little fist.

Ahhhh! Beating.

Good as new!

Sometime later, I found myself in my darkened room, the phone in my grasp.

Who to phone with such a question……

…..

A solution quickly came to me! Wasting no time, I started to dial his number.

And finished dialing his number 4 minutes later.

One ring……..

Is EVERYONE so freaking LAZY to answer the phone straight away!

"WHY HELLO! Who wishes to speak to………..ME?" A flamboyant voice echoed from the other line, making my ears bleed a tad.

Dabbing my left ear with a soft cotton tissue I carried around with me, I was swift to reply.

"Greetings, Ayame."

And cue the intake of breath from Ayame.

"Akito-sama! What a pleasant surprise! To tell me things!" It spoke again, causing my other ear to give out a quiet "pop".

Hmm…that can't be good.

"I acquire your opinion, Ayame." I spoke.

"OHH! My opinion! I'm honored!" He squealed.

Oh how I detest him and his…….his…….WHORE-NESS!

Urgh, my ear is bleeding quite sufficiently now, better make this quick before I collapse.

"Halloween. Explain what the common attire is."

A few moments silence from the other end.

"Halloween?……..Akito………sama?" He inquired.

"Yes. Now enlighten me."

"Well………Last year I dressed as a serving wench! Cute, no?" He exclaimed, sounding joyful.

I trembled.

Bad psychological picture.

"But what is it that most offspring dress as! I'm getting aggravated Ayame!" I shrieked at him.

"Oh! Sorry! Well…….I know that witches are the most common……and ghosts, and many other gaudy things like that. I personally go for the more uncommon approach." He quickly explained.

Hmmmmmm uncommon approach?

Perfect.

"Goodbye Ayame."

"Akito-sama, wait! What are-"

I hung up the receiver and looked at my surroundings…

Something original……..and uncommon…..

But what?

I slithered my way over to my tiny window, which overlooked my precious garden, and a bit of that horrible gaudy strip of highwa-

I extended my neck as far as it would go to look further at the highway, and smirked.

What a brilliant plan, Akito.

It's unique, uncommon, fear provoking and quite smelly indeed.

But…….where to find such an outfit? I'm quite sure that no store would sell such an outfit.

Well maybe Ayame Slut's store. But why in the name of Sohma would I go there?

Perhaps a tour around the house would provide me with the answer I seek?

Nodding to myself in agreement, I turned around and walked out of my room.

And where did my search lead me?

To Hatori Whore's room of course!

After glancing through his dresser for a time, and sadly I came upon nothing.

I was just about to head back out and perhaps see if midget Momiji had anything of use, when something caught my eye.

Whore Tori's bed.

…..

….

And his hygienic, gray, flannel sheet.

I grasped the side of the sheet and pulled.

Unsuccessful.

…..

I pulled again.

….

….

Damnit!

Bracing my legs in a wide stance, I gripped the sheet with both of my hands and yanked.

Finally, it let go of the mattress thingy, but sadly my balance is not what is used to be like, and I found my bottom area hitting the hardwood floor with a 'crack'.

Yes; Crack.

A few minutes later, the pain settled in.

Ohhhhh my aching private area!

Take a deep breath and……..

"HATORIIII! HATOOOORRRIIII! IT HURTS HATORI!"

Oh dear me! I'm out of breath!

I quickly shook my head, I need to stay conscious until Hatori Whore gets here! If not, I may end up swallowing my tongue again!

"What's wrong, Akito-sama!" Hatori yelled, running to my side.

I looked up at him, still clutching my prized sheet close to my chest.

Cue the whimper.

Cue the tremble.

Anddd….

THUNK!

Ahhh beautiful, blissful, painless, unconsciousness!

Sometime later, I woke up and found myself staring up at a distressed looking Hatori Whore.

"I see that you are up. How are you feeling?" He inquired.

I thought that question over, and came up with this conclusion:

My ass bone hurt.

My front ass bone as well.

I managed a weak reply;

"Ass."

Hatori Whore sighed and nodded. "Yes, you fractured your tailbone, cracked your pelvis, and you have some serious bruising to your lower……….front.

I narrowed my eyes in frustration. Damn, stupid, meatless, ASS!

Oh but my whore wasn't finished!

"Oh yes. And I also found that you have gone temporarily deaf in your right ear. Care to explain?"

I nearly wept, this would surly mean that I could not go 'treat or tricking" tomorrow.

But wait…

I still had……it.

"Hatori!" I sneered.

Whore Tori looked over to where I lay in my bed.

"Yes?"

"Bring me my chair!" I demanded.

Hatori Whore looked puzzled.

"Your wheelchair? But, why? I assumed that you wished to be bedridden for the time." He replied, with a hint of fear in his eye.

I smiled my sexy sadist smile.

"I need it for tomorrow's "Treat the trick" or whatever it is….."

This got a raised eyebrow look from him.

Why are you QUESTIONING ME!

Obey your master bitch!

"But Akito, today is Halloween. You've been unconscious for a day."

…….

…….

Oh………shit!

Now I'm mad!

My ill health will NOT keep me from having pleasurable times in my youth!

I looked over and glared at my stupid, brainless, smelly bitch.

"I'M GOING OUT! BRING ME MY CHAIR!" I yelled.

Ohhhhh…..lightheaded…..

"Yes, Akito." He uttered, and started to head towards the door.

Wahoo! I'm on a roll!

"And bring me your gray sheet! And a servant!" I commanded him.

Hatori Whore exhaled noisily, nodded, and walked out of the room.

I smirked triumphantly. No one dare defies my word!

An hour later, I was instructing some foolish male slave on how to make my prize winning "Hall-O-Eeen" outfit.

The quivering man held up the sheet for my appraisal, and I nodded approvingly.

"Dress me." I ordered the slave, holding up my bare, pale arms from my place on my bed.

After some very uncomfortable positions, another hour later, I found myself dressed in my spooky outfit!

It consisted of Hatori Whore's gray sheet over me, witch two eyeholes cut out, with a painted yellow line down the middle. And to add some spice to it, a small design to look like a crack.

Yes.

I was a piece of highway.

Brilliant isn't it!

Oh how I will scare people feces-less!

Before I could bask more in my glory, Whore Tori came in, wheeling in front of him my endearing electric wheelchair!

And along with it, my precious doughnut shaped ass bone pillow for me to sit on!

Hatori Whore stopped once he was midway in the room, and stared at me, his eye growing bigger by the second.

Bloodcurdling, isn't it, my Whore Tori?

"Akito-sama………you aren't thinking about….." He didn't finish his statement, and instead settled with a frustrated sigh.

I smiled viciously under my covering, and held out my arms from my place on the futon.

"Up-ie." I demanded, nodding towards my chair.

Complying almost immediately, Hatori Whore lifted my gray clad from it's place on the futon, and placed me on my chair, sitting on the doughnut pillow.

Ohhhh how I missed my love so! I haven't sat in it since I last cracked my pelvis 2 months ago!

Smiling beneath my attire, I placed my pale bony hand upon the control thingy, and pushed it forward.

BUWHAHAHA!

Success!

I let out a tiny squeal of happiness, as I zoomed passed a shocked Whore Tori and out the doorway, leading towards excitement!

Successfulness!

Blissfulness!

Creepiness!

And closed doors!

………Oh bloody HELL!

I slowed down my chair and narrowed my eyes.

Damn those stupid doors.

Gather up breath.

"SERVANT! Open the DOORS!" I yelled in no one in particular.

A few seconds later, Hatori Whore came up behind me and opened the doors.

Buwhah! Yes! Obey your master like the dog you are!

I tilted my head and smiled, of course he couldn't see the smile under the outfit, so all the better.

Dashing past him, I wheeled my way outside, past the main gates, and unto the deserted road.

…..

…..

I slowed down a bit.

….

……………

And I was to go……..where, again?

Well, as Hatori Whore said, "house to house".

But which house? By now I was approaching a great many….

Oh look.

On pretty much each doorstep stood little evil children dressed in peculiar outfits!

And they all seemed to be carrying some sort of bag……

How peculiar indeed…..

Watching in wonder, I observed a very short boy dressed as what looked to be some sort of Mummy, who rang the doorbell thing, screamed some random stupid sentence when the door opened, and held out the bag he was carrying.

….

And then the person gave him candy.

…...

Hmm, seemed quite simple enough! No real physical effort involved, so I should fair well!

But, I do think I will need some sort of holder for the sweets.

Glancing around my surroundings, the only thing in plain view was one of those eerie "Light-O-Jack" things….

Gathering up my courage, I bent down as far as my broken body would allow, and seized the vegetable.

Taking a much needed deep breath, I lifted the thing.

Oh dear me, it's HEAVY!

Biting the inside of my mouth (Hmm, I taste blood now. Can't be good.) I heaved it the rest of the way up and set it on my gray clad lap, then slumped down and drew in haggard breaths.

A few minutes later, I nodded in fulfillment; it's now or never!

Moving forward, and ignoring the weight that now crushed my poor legs by that damn veggie, I approached the door.

Only one slight problem.

There was stairs.

……

DAMN THESE CIVILIANS! Haven't they ever freaking heard of handicap accessible alternatives!

…..DAMN THEM!

Okay, deep breaths, no point in having a stroke about it.

I just needed a solution!

And it lay by my feet!

Grinning, I bent over, minding my veggie and veggie like state I was in, and grasped the long stick.

Next I stared at the door and doorbell, and frowned.

Then you know what I did?

I threw the stick at the door of course!

And yelled a few profanities.

What did you expect me to do?

Almost immediately, the door was opened to revealed a elderly women.

"Ohhh lookie! It's a scary ghostie!" She beamed, flashing a smile.

….

A….

Ghostie?

I'm not dead yet!

Ohhh that's it bitch!

" I am no ghostie you sick, dying, old, I-crap-my-Depends SLUT!"

That was not hypercritical I tell you…

Oh but I wasn't finished with the thing;

"I am a piece of HIGHWAY! Now! Give me SWEETS!" I wailed, holding out my "O-Jacking-Lantern"

The woman was still smiling.

Why was the woman still smiling!

"Ohh your such a SCARY ghostie, little boy! Here, have a peanut!" She replied, threw a peanut at my head, and shut the door.

…..

I could only stare and try to keep my breathing under control.

Why?

Because right after screaming at the hag, I started hyperventilating.

Remind me not to try that again.

A few minutes later, my breathing was somewhat regular and I was able to steer away from the house and back down the street.

I patted my sweet bag thing in approval that now held my peanut, and leered

Go me.

Wahoo.

Glancing around, I saw another house to my left, and made my way over there.

Oh goodie, this person was actually smart and had no stairs!

….

Hmm…

But dear me…….what the hell was THAT on their doorstep!

Some sort of welcome mat?

….But why was it shaped like a stupid frickin' ghost?

Shrugging it off, I gently pushed forward on my wheelchair control and rolled onto it.

I had barely raised my foot to kick to door when all of a sudden; a horrible laughing noise came from beneath me.

FROM BENEATH ME PEOPLE!

Gasping in unspeakable terror, I recoiled backwards.

Oh yes, back of chair prevented me from doing such.

Next choice, I recoiled to the side of the chair, and flipped myself over the armrest.

It occurred to me then that I could have just steered my chair away from the haunted welcome mat.

But I don't bode well with panic.

I hit the smelly ground with a;

"Crack!"

"Pop!"

"Squelch!"

Yes, you heard me right, SQUELCH!

Lying on my place on the ground, I tried to locate where these sounds came from on my body….

The crack I think must have something to do with the even more severe pain I felt in my front bum.

Ohhh Hatori Whore will be ever so pissed.

The pop must be from the fact that my arm was hanging at an odd angle again.

Hm, well a dislocated arm I can handle! It's not that badly dislocated either; it just made a slight 90 degree turn and was bent backwards.

Trust me, I've dislocated worse things…..

And for the squelching noise? Well, for a horrifying moment, I thought that my anus had prolapsed again. (And don't ask questions about that, you muddling, second-rate, lowlife!) But thankfully it was just some dog feces my ass landed in.

Oh wait.

That was worse.

Gasping in utter repulsion, I looked back at the thing that caused it all.

That blasted haunted welcome mat!

Before I could curse the thing, the door opened and out came a very small child, holding a stupid soda and grinning stupidly.

…..

Stupid offspring, you are SO lucky I'm ill!

The adolescent, noticing me on the ground, stared at me on puzzlement, then without a word, put the sugar infested soda in my "Jacking-Light-O" that sat upright by my side, then retreated back inside, closing the door behind him

….

….

I realllllly needed some Prozac….

Or someone I could scream at.

Sadly neither was available.

Mumbling a few choice words under my shallow breath, I crawled/slithered my way over to the unoccupied wheelchair, and stared at it for a few moments.

Now….how to get on?

It was extremely harsh to get off the ground unto some sort of chair on the best of days, but here I sat with a dislocated arm, and a now most likely shattered everything front ass.

But I had to get on!

And no one would stop me!

Grasping the armrest with my somewhat-good arm, I slowly pulled my self-upright, keeping all the weight on my knees.

Oh Akito, I'm out of breath!

I focused on the task at hand! No time to pass out now! I was almost there……..

And then, after what seemed like years, I slumped on the chair on my side.

Buwhahah! TAKE THAT ILLNESS'!

Sitting correctly on the doughnut pillow, I looked around for my sweet bag thing, and found it within reaching distance.

Ginning to myself, I reached out my good arm and tried to heave it back to my lap.

But it was even more surprisingly heavy!

Oh yes, that stupid soda was inhabiting it….

Gritting my teeth (And hearing a few cracks in my jaw while doing so) I hauled it up with what was left of my strength.

BUWHAHAH!

SUCCESS!

Smirking, I held my tired head a little higher.

If you were to ask me…….I would say I'm getting tremendously stronger!

Sudden screaming broke into my egotistical gloat, and I looked towards the source.

A few houses down, stood what looked to be some sort of……spooky house…..where little children entered it from one end, and ran out screaming from the other.

What the hell?

Was it some sort of…….."Hallow-ween" theme house?

I grinned beneath my outfit.

My new task had appeared!

…

What!

Yes I know. Normal people in my situation would just turn around right now and wheel home, crying for their bitches.

But alas!

I am not what you would call 'normal', sadly.

And this spooky place was not to be ignored! Even with all my injuries!

For I……

Am Akito Sohma!

The Highway of Hell!

And right now, I smell REALLY bad!

……..FEAR ME!

A/N: coughs

….

….

Te he, prolapsed ass…….giggle

Hope you enjoyed Part 1 of two! Expect the next part up sometime before Halloween! But you could always review in the meantime! (Free "O-Jacking-Lanterns" carved as Akito to those who do!)

TILL I WRITE AGAIN!

DG3


	5. Something Crippled This Way Crawls Pt 2

A/N: Yo peeps! Thanks for all the reviews! And, like I promised; (Hands everyone Jack-O-Lanterns caved as Akito with a canary in his mouth)

So here we have the 2nd, and final, part of the Halloween Special! BUWHAHAHAHA!

Oh and by the way, a message to my faithful reviewer!

Audley: Yeah I was thinking about maybe having Akito discover his certain…equipment (or lack there of). But then I realized something……..I would actually really suck at writing a female Akito. (More then the male version of him, if you can believe it!) Odd I know…..But I may have him discover that he's female at the VERY end of this fic (I have no clue when that will be, so don't even ask!) So that way I won't have to write much female Akito! But in the meantime, hope you enjoy the transgender-ish version I have of him now! Thanks for all the reviews btw!

Well, what ya waiting for?

READ ON AND REVIEW ONCE READ!

Disclaimer: I no own furuba! You no sue. We happy. We dance.

Something Crippled This Way Crawls. Part 2

CH 5

Well the last time you saw me I was staring at that odd, "Hall-O-Wang" theme house.

And I'm still staring at it.

So you haven't missed much.

Finally, now that I gathered enough breath to proceed to my destination, I steered my electric wheelchair towards the childish screaming, my "sweet bag" now crushing my poor little ill legs greatly.

A tad while later, I was staring at the entrance of the themed place, which consisted of a painted black door with a stupid, fake, plastic skeleton on the middle.

Oh yes, and did I mention the stupid cloaked man in black with a fake, plastic mask on?

"WELCOME TO HELL, LITTLE BOY!" It said, faking a deep, manly voice.

Stupid pubescent dimwitted CRAPHEAD!

Oh but it wasn't finished talking!

"I must warn you! You will encounter various bloodcurdling things! But whatever you do; DO NOT TURN AROUND! BUWHAHAHAAHHA!"

I glared at it.

It stared at me with its yellow colored eyes, still laughing mindlessly.

So I kicked it in the shin and wheeled through the now open door.

I had only just stopped hearing the mumbled cursing from the mindless idiot when I came face to face with a mutilated person, his blood covered face masked in terror as he sat in what looked to be a dentist chair.

Well obviously he was WAX! How senseless do you think I am!

Glaring in annoyance, I quickly sped past him and went through the curtained exit.

This one was a hallway…

I think.

It was really getting to dark to tell. I could barely see the wheels of my chair anymore!

…..

….

Now it MAY just be my sometimes-senile mind, but I swear someone was following behind me.

I quickly looked behind me, and found only darkness.

Ah yes, just the mind. I turned my head forward.

"OHHH! Akito-sama! What a chilling SURPRISE! OH MY! What happened to your ARM! I may appear immature when I say this but; Ewww!"

….

….

I know that voice……

"AHHHHH!" I yelled shutting my eyes. MAKE THE VOICES GO AWAY!

I've said that on more then one occasion by the way.

"OHHH! Have I……..upset you?" The flamboyant voice said again.

Yes.

Flamboyant.

Yes.

Ayame Slut.

Oh how unsettling!

I opened my eyes again and found myself staring at, yes indeed, Ayame Slut.

….

What in the hell of all that's Sohma is THAT?

My jaw dropped (literally dropped, it unhinged again) as I stared at the queer. He was wearing what looked to be a giant pink, frilly dress, with white gloves that reached his elbows. A little shiny headband with a black feather in the back was tied around his forehead; his pretty hair braided and put to the side.

And just to add to the horrible effect, a huge purple feather boa hung around his neck.

And I'm NOT going to get into the awful makeup…..

He flashed a smile. "Well! What do you think of my outfit? A Can-can girl! What me to dance, Akito-sama!"

And with that, he stared hopping up and down kicking his pale legs out from under the dress.

….

….

HOLY ME HE'S WEARING GARDER BELTS!

Hinge jaw back and……

"STOP YOU SENSELESS WHORE!" I yelled.

Ayame quickly stopped, and flashed another smile.

Damn him and his stupid-ness!

Damn him and his flasher dress!

……..Damn him and his prettiness!

"Well Akito-sama! It sure is THRILLING to see you here all dressed up! How about we continue on through this little haunted house? Hmmm?" He asked.

I glared in reply, and then sped past him as fast as my chair would let me.

Oh crap.

He's following.

Signing in defeat, I continued on. Let the whore join me then! Oh he'll regret it later on!

…I'm not entirely sure how he will regret it, but I'm sure something will come up.

Ahh, I think there's a room were approaching!

Smashing!

I zoomed through the curtain and found myself in yet another room blanketed in blackness.

"Ohhh! Spooky, no?" Ayame inquired behind me.

Glaring, I went into the middle of the room.

And that's when it happened.

Flashing lights galore.

It was like the light show in the gay club I was in, but much more bright.

And blinking.

Ohhhh and dizzying!

So all this flashing-ness caused me have a seizure of course.

I mean, what the hell else would you expect of me? I'm ILL!

I don't remember much of what happened when it was occurring, but I do remember waking up horrified.

Why was horrified, you ask?

Ayame's grinning face dangled above me, that's why!

Well I guess it could be worse.

I mean his IS related to my Yuki.

I purred.

"Ohhh! Looks like your up!" He said cheerfully.

Well no crap I'm up! What was your first freaking clue!

Sitting up in my chair a little better, I noticed that we were in yet another dark room.

I was about to ask how long I was out for, when all of a sudden something jumped out from the dark corner of the room.

Huh. It was a man wearing a mask swinging a chainsaw around.

How abnormal indeed.

Before I could think of what type of emotion I was feeling, Ayame Slut chose it for me.

"MY GOD!..EEK!" He yelled, and pushed my chair towards another random curtain.

Looking behind, I saw the chainsaw man advancing.

Trying to keep my fear under control, I took a few deep breaths.

"I WANT YOUR LIMBS!"

…..

Bloody hell! I can't spare any damnit!

Fear no longer under control.

Gather up breath.

"PUSH FASTER BITCH! FASSTERRR!" I screamed, trying to hit Ayame Slut with my dislocated arm.

We finally went through the curtain, and that unexpected chainsaw thing did not follow.

Sinking back on the wheelchair, I gasped for breath. That was too much work.

Looking around, I saw that we were yet again in another black hallway.

"Well? Shall we carry on?" Ayame asked, his voice coming from just ahead of me.

Grunting in response, I wheeled myself down to the end of the hallway and took a left.

I found myself in a small closet like room, where a midget leprechaun stared at me, smiling beneath his huge green hat.

Hmm…

I blinked.

He was still there.

So it wasn't my mind then.

Resort to next plan;

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! HATORIIIIII! AYAME! RESCUE MEEEEEEEE!" I yelled, closing my eyes and flailing my dislocated arm at the evil midget leprechaun thing.

I then heard footsteps behind me.

"Akito-sama! Don't worry! Its just Momiji!"

….

….

….

Oh yes, well that just makes everything freaking PEACHY!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Panic stricken, I wheeled myself forward and ran into a wall.

"WAAAAAA!"

Oh great, I'm crying now, it's only a matter of time before dehydration sets in.

Okay, get a hold of yourself Akito Sohma. Its just Momiji, dressed as a midget leprechaun, nothing to worry myself over.

….

Ah there I go screaming again.

Turning my wheelchair around and facing another curtain across the hallway, I veered my chair to that direction. Ignoring the shouts from Ayame Slut and the evil Mortifying Midget Momiji.

Still blabbering in terror, I went through the curtain and into the next room, where I zoomed my way past the bandaged mummy's that were popping out of the walls at me.

Oh! Another curtain I believe! I quickly steered my way over there.

SLAM!

Nope, solid wall.

I turned to the left and finally found the real curtain, and wasting no time went through.

And who should I find?

"Oh GOODIE! Looks like you finally came back to your senses and came back!"

Hmm…..Must've made a wrong turn somewhere….

"WAAAA!" I cried, and turned back to the curtain.

A few minutes later, I had at last lost the evils, and was now occupied in a small room where a glowing, stupid, fake head has been talking to me for around 60 seconds.

"-FEAR THE EVILS THAT DWELL INSIDE!"

Bloody freaking HELL! I realize what resides inside this disturbed residence! SHUT UP!

Around another 10 minutes, I had finally caught my breath enough to continue on and try to find a way out of the hell whore hole.

Glancing at the heavy wooden door, I nodded, and went towards it.

Then I pushed at it with my feet.

….

….

Know what happened?

SQUAT is what happened!

Stupid heavy doors that aren't made for the ill!

I tried again, this time pushing harder on my steering thingy, putting more strain on my legs then I should have.

But I really don't give a damn at this point. I promise that I'll stay bedridden for a month after this.

Signing in defeat, I went towards the door, which I came from; I guess I'll have to try and find another way out.

Push andddd……

…

…

…CRAP!

It won't bloody budge!

…….Now what was I supposed to do!

"BUWHAHHA! YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE! BUWHAHAHAHHA! FEAR MY FURY!" The mask thing said.

Hm, if memory serves me right (Which I admitted, it probably doesn't) I think I said those exact same words to Yuki Dear in my closet….(Replace "fury" with "Mr. Whippy" though….)

Oh sigh, I guess I'll just have to wait in hopes someone will rescue me….

2 hours later…

….

….

I hate people.

Still insanely bored, I continued to make small circles with my chair, sometimes making an unsophisticated remark to Mark.

Mark was the talking head by the way.

….What?

During that moment, while I was preoccupied with trying to pop my arm back into place, I heard something outside the door.

Suddenly energized, I wheeled my way over to the unopened door and kicked it.

"Let me out you bitches! This is my command!" I shrieked.

The words had barely left my mouth when the door swung open towards me.

….

….

Oh COME ON!

How the hell was I supposed to know to PULL THE DOOR!

….

I truly hate people.

And who was my savior? My knight in shining armor? My "I-Will-Save-You-Because-You-Are-A-Dying-Mentally Unstable-Wheelchair Occupied-He/she thing"?

Why citizens, it was the chainsaw chap!

Just freaking splendid!

But I didn't wheel away this time; I had to face the thing before I really lost it in this confined space.

I stared at him, trying to think of something clever to say, without sounding like a hysterical infant.

And he stared at me, his face clad in that stupid white mask.

….

….

"WAAAAAA!" Crying, I quickly zoomed myself past him and out the open door.

This time there was no stopping! Even if Midget Momiji stood in my path, I would just have to wheel over him. Woe is he.

Oh! What do I see up ahead? It looks like a………..exit I believe!

And how would I know that?

Because there was a glowing red sign that hung over the already open door that read "Exit".

Getting this huge after-sex-glow on my face, I wasted no time driving myself out into the smelly, polluted night air!

Oh YES!

Beautiful, beautiful;

SUCCESS!

Ignoring the stunned looks I was getting from the children waiting to be let inside the house, I trekked away from that place.

And towards……

Someplace!

Buwhahaha!

Yes, I know I should really get home and have Whore Tori doctor me up, but the night is still young! And I hadn't even had my share in the celebration of Ha-Low-Ween!

But, where to go? I've already went to doorsteps demanding candy (And yes, my evil veggie candy dish still sat on my crushed lap)

And I went into the themed house! (In which I will never set wheel in again.)

But what else to do?

The answer to my question, finally hit me.

No literally, it bloody well hit me!

Shaking my head, I glanced down at the object, which smacked me with such force.

Hmmmm…..

Great me, it appears to be hygienic bathroom tissue!

….

But why the hell is hygienic bathroom tissue flying around? I know I haven't lost it THAT much…..have I?

Sudden amused laughter broke into my thoughts.

I looked ahead of me, and to my surprise I found some youth.

…That were throwing hygienic bathroom tissue all over a house, and the vegetation that surrounded it.

…..

Was this some sort of….

Occult?

I looked to the small birdbath that sat near me, then at the tissue that I held in my good hand.

Well, there shouldn't be a reason why I cannot participate in such activity!

It must be some sort of Hol-O-Ween sacred tradition!

Grinning at my new plan at hand (haha, I made a pun!) I steered myself over to the birdbath, grabbed the tissue, and hurled it at the birdbath.

It bounced into the small bowl of water.

Buwhahahah!

Success!

But alas, I think this is the time I call it quits, my good arm is killing me after that throw, and my dislocated one is still………..dislocated.

But it was successful day was it not?

I went and received sweets, forced myself into an unintelligent haunted theme house, and now have effectively damaged property with occult rituals!

Oh how H-

What's this? Laughter behind me?

Before I could look behind myself, I was engulfed with hygienic bathroom tissue.

Fist the assassin wrapped it around my head, then around my body and chair, bounding me there.

OH SOHMA! What was this! What were they going to do to a helpless thing like mee!

A horrible thought struck me;

I was going to get molested!

Gathering up all my strength, I pushed forward on the chair control, (Yes that took strength!) upsetting the rapist who was now trying to bind my legs to the chair.

"Hey! Get back here!" The deviant character cried.

How brainless do I appear to you bitch!

Zooming my way…..somewhere, (It was hard enough to try to find my way home in the best of days, let alone in the dark with bathroom tissue covering half my face!)

But thankfully, I was not far from home, and I soon found myself approaching the blessed familiar Sohma gates.

Oh yes, BLISS! They were open!

Speeding through them, I drove over to the main building, and who do I find standing on the porch!

Why, it's my trusted Hatori Whore!

……Why is he looking at me like that?

Oh…….yes……..I guess I may appear somewhat, queer. As after all, my arm was still hideously dislocated as it flailed behind me, covered in hygienic bathroom tissue from head to wheel, with a "Lantern-Oh-Jackie" sitting on my lap.

Well at least he couldn't see the dog feces that covered my bottom. (Oh HOW I SMELT! Ewww!)

Finally reaching Whore Tori, I stopped and smiled.

"Greetings."

Hmm. He's still looking at me in absolute dismay.

"Akito-sama………….WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" He yelled.

Yes.

Yelled.

Yes.

At ME!

The bitch is going down.

But not now.

I'm really bloody exhausted.

But I did manage a fierce glare.

"Just do your job and give me drugs."

And cue the faint.

…..

…

Ahh there it is!

All in all, it was a horrifyingly fatiguing night, in which I don't think I will ever repeat.

Okay I probably will.

But until that time;

I bid you Cheerful Halo-o-ween!

BUWHAHAHA!

END OF THE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

Gee how sad.

Not.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this ch! And you obviously know the drill on what to do now…. (Hands out candy corn for extra bribe)

Well, until the next Ch! TILL I WRITE MORE CRAP! BWUAHAH!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

DG3


	6. Akito's Fair Time

A/N: THANK YOU TO ALL WHO REVIEWD THE PREVIOUS CH! And yes, here is your reward (Hands reviewers lumps of Akito's hair)

Hope you all had an awesome Halloween! (I know I did, but that's mostly due to the fact that I was able to dress my good friend up as a piece of pavement…kudos to you)

And here would be the……..wow 6th ch! I can't believe it's actually lasted this long and not been flamed to hell and back.

Hope you enjoy this ch (I warn you though, it's possibly the most pointless ch of all the ch's.)

Read on and- well, you know what to do after.

Prescription for Disaster

CH 6

Akito's Fair Time

Normally I start out my day thinking about how horribly bored I am.

But not today.

Because I previously went through that stage, and have already solved it.

I was clothed in my street clothes again, and am currently walking to this thing they call a "Fair".

I overheard that stupid Kisa talking about it, so of course I ordered her to give me the date and time.

Of course I had no idea what a "Fair" was, but that wouldn't stop me!

For I am Akito Sohma!

Fear me!

Hmm…I really should think about getting a new saying.

….Na.

Whore-Tori of course had objected immediately, saying that my injuries needed time to heal, but he knew he couldn't disobey my plan!

Ahh yes, my previous injuries from last month; I'm happy to report that they are fairly well healed! Although my crotch tends to make odd bone snapping sounds now and then when I walk…oh well.

So here I walked, into the dark with only the night stars to guide me.

That was a lie; I was following the extremely bright lights, clown music, screams, and the trail of popped corn.

A few minutes later, I found myself in front of a massive mechanical object, which was spinning.

Hmm…I see there is also a huge amount of humans on it, sitting in what looked like some sort of bench.

"Want a balloon?" Asked an eerie voice behind me.

I jumped and turned around, which I quickly regretted. Not because of the sudden faintness I felt because of the spin, but I did so regret looking upon what stood behind me!

It was a clown.

Enough said.

This clown was clearly under the influence of pissed in java (Which I shall now and forever call it), as his wig was askew, and reeked of the smell of cheap wine.

Ohhhhh….So SMELLY!

The drunken clown meanwhile was holding out a blue balloon.

Well of course I ran the hell away.

Sigh, another lie. I walked away as fast as my anemic legs would let me.

And of course I had grabbed that pretty balloon he so kindly offered me.

What?

It was SHINY!

And I have a fetish for shiny things.

I gurgled with pleasure.

Hmm….so what exactly were you supposed to do here? I looked around at all the smelly, poor people that surrounded myself, which were all surrounding another huge mechanical thingamabob.

I pushed my way past the crowd (I slithered my way through the tiny gaps in the crowd truth be told) and found myself facing a huge metal thing. Which had a bunch of loops. And riding over that bunch of loops was a box thing. Which held screaming people.

Still not knowing what the hell I was staring at, I decided to read the bold print on a sign that hung just above the gate:

!WARNING!

Do not ride if you have any of the following:

Asthma.

Major heart complications.

Miner heart complications.

High blood pressure.

Have had a stroke.

Any form of cancer.

Loss of hearing.

Loss of sight.

Loss of smell.

Loss of limbs.

Hyperventilates.

Has taken any form of illegal drugs.

Has taken any form of medication.

Ear infection.

Respiratory tract infection.

Digestive difficulties.

Has or had any form of STD.

PMS.

Athletes Foot.

Any kind of broken bone.

Dislocated any body part.

Poor bladder control.

Possible Concussion.

Transgendered.

Lactose intolerant.

Internal parasites.

Diabetes.

Family.

Under 90 pounds.

Pregnant or possibly pregnant.

WE WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES!

….

….

….

DAMN YOU!

…

…

…

They can't order ME around like that! Plus, I don't have everything on that illogical list! I'm quite certain I don't have Athletes Foot.

I walked over to the person who looked like he was in charge of this ride like thing, such an ugly thing he was too! Oh how I sneered upon his bright red hair and freckles!

" I wish to travel on this thing." I said to the thing.

He smiled.

Oh dear Sohma! Don't smile! Do you realize you're missing teeth you banana fruitcake!

"I ain't not 'inking ya too small li'l man." It said.

Dear me! I know what this is! I've heard about them, but I have not had the unfortunate opportunity to meet one!

It's a yankie!

Holy me!

What is it doing in Japan?

Okay, okay stay calm Akito, you can't show him you're afraid!

Hmmm…. I'm suddenly having the most extraordinary tingling sensation in my pants.

Oh.

Damn bladder.

Well I'll just ignore it for the time being.

I shot the yankie an Akito glare.

"Do you know who you are talking to?"

The thing shook its ugly red head.

"I am Akito Sohma."

"Yea? Who 'dat be?"

"Me! You cross eyed hillbilly badger! Me!" I shouted.

Meanwhile the cart like thing had stopped behind him, and I watched with delight as some old hairy man fell out the other side and started to sob.

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared above my head!

Not physically of course, that would be absolutely crazy.

Tee hee.

"Excuse me for a moments time, yankie." I said to the pig screwing monkey ape.

I walked off towards the female bathroom, (Dear Akito, the stench coming from that place was overwhelming!) and walked in calmly.

Of course, I got no stares from the females, they automatically assumed that I was of their gender.

I walked along the cubicles, in hopes of finding my requirement.

And find her I did, passed out on the dirty bacteria infested floor, a bottle of chocolate flavored rum laid beside her.

Wasting none of my precious time, I quickly walked over to the drunk and took off her hideous pink jacket and revolting pink heels and swiftly put them on, disregarding the peculiar stares I received from the other female gendered Yankees.

When I was done dressing myself (Yes, I dressed MYSELF! Go Akito!) I slowly walked out of the privy with ease in my pink heels.

What?

It's not like I've never worn heels before.

I soon found myself in front of that hideous yankie boy again; of course with his IQ level he had no idea that he had met me before.

Oh how I adore 'slow on the uptake' people!

Oh, where was I? Oh yes, seducing.

"Hello there my boy toy, can I ride on your ride?" I asked sexily in my female voice.

The brainless git gave me a toothless grin. How nauseating indeed.

"'ey dar l'il lady!"

What did he say?

I smiled and batted my eyelashes and hoped it was the right thing to do.

"Well? Can I? I've been just dreaming about going up and down and up and down on that big, huge ride of yours." Oh Sohma, long sentence, need inhaler.

Ewww….what the hell is wrong with him? He just went red in the face? Perhaps he's having a hot flash?

I almost pitied him. Hot flashes are a bitch.

….Don't ask questions in which you couldn't handle the answer.

" 'ure ya can, sweet 'ing!" He replied, opening the gate to the little shuttle…thingy.

Oh good! I was afraid that I would have to meet his yankie doodle in order to get on this thing.

I batted my long eyelashes again at him, and slid into the padded seat, where the vulgar individual folded down the bar, which was placed across my waistline.

Hmmm…are these bars supposed to be 2 feet away from my waist?

I quickly shrugged it off; the hick didn't seem to be too worried.

Speaking of that thing, he gave me a wink and a suggestive smirk before he patted my head and pushed a little red button, causing the…shuttle thingy to launch forward unexpectedly.

I grasped the bacteria infested bar that supposedly held me in, cringing at how dirty and foul smelling I must be after that pat on my head.

Suddenly I hear some other civilians crawl into the shuttle thingy behind me, turning my head, I see a little snot nosed boy brat grinning his stupid head off.

Ewwwwwww……kill it.

Then unexpectedly, hell started.

I barely caught my breath before the shuttle thingy took off, first skyrocketing upwards, then downwards, after that I had no clue, as I was unconscious.

What?

How the hell was I supposed to know that it would go this fast! And go this freaking loopy! It's absurd!

How I managed to stay on the ride is unknown to me, I just remember waking up and seeing that horrible, yankie, inbred face hovering above me.

" 'e ye awake! 'a 'ought ya 'ied!"

……

Huh?

I bought you a wake? I ought ya eyed?

Getting a look of terror on my face, I crawled away from the unstable, speech impaired, mimed crap-head and headed………well somewhere.

Anyplace was better the near that freak and his stupid, stupid machine.

Hm, people are looking oddly at me.

I guess I should stop groveling on the ground.

Gathering up what was left of my strength, I heaved myself of the dirty, smelly ground to a standing, hunched back position, paused for a few moments to catch my breath, and then slithered off towards the next crowd, stumbling now and then in my heels.

I looked at the building, which stood in front of me, and then at the sign, which read:

Fun House.

Fun house, sounds like some sort of institution for the mentally unwell.

So, it should rightfully accept me.

While the attendant of this Fun House was busy looking over odd ticket like paper, I slipped inside.

….And what should I find?

A hallway.

……I have bitter memories from hallways.

But now is not the time to dwell on the past! Go forth, says I!

And go forth was what I indeed did, for a couple of feet, anyway.

WHAM!

Clutching my aching head in pain, I stumbled back a few steps, and looked to what I ran into;

…….The hell?

I ran into……

Nothing!

I glared at the nothing in front of me, perhaps it was just my mind playing tricks on me again?

I nodded, this must be the case.

And forward I go!

WHAM!

Oh, bloody f-

I suddenly stopped, why? Because my hand was resting on something in mid air.

I've finally, totally flipped my lid.

I 'tapped' on the thing in front of me, and it made a slight 'tapping' noise back to me.

Squinting, I leaned closer, and there I finally saw it.

I was glass.

……What kind of yankie put THESE here? Have they no universal intellect!

Stupid stupids!

Now I must stress my ill body to go around it!

Muttering a few curses under my breath, I walked along the side of it until I was finally rid of the dreadful thing.

Now, time to get out of there and complain to someone who'll listen!

WHAM!

…….This………could be complicated.

It took me a full hour to get out of this room, even with the stupid youth who tired to "lend a hand" to help me escape.

During this hour, things kind of went like this:

WHAM!

Curse.

Turn.

Walk.

WHAM!

Curse.

Turn.

Walk.

WHAM!

Curse and throw a bit of a tantrum.

Take rest after said tantrum.

Turn.

Walk.

WHAM!

……….Frustrating indeed.

But it's over now, and I'm not one to dwell on the past.

Ha.

And now, I am in a small room, and this time, it was mirrors that stood around me.

At least, I thought they were just normal mirrors, until I walked in front of one.

Hm…….I look rather……anorexic…….more then normal.

Shaking my head in wonderment, I continued on to the next mirror.

And nearly cried.

There, in the mirror, stood me.

But dear me, it was HORRIBLE!

It was me, but I was grossly, enormously, revoltingly HUGE!

SO obese!

I must have weighed like………over a hundred pounds!

I fled as fast as my pink heels would take me; this was not an image I wanted to witness.

Much later on, I was outside of that place, and back out on the open, and weighing my normal, correct weight.

Ahhh, I guess you must be curious as to where I am now, correct?

Well, I wanted to know as well, so I asked some bloke who was behind a counter, and behind him, stood a wall of balloons and stuffed animals.

Hm, balloons, I just realized I had misplaced mine.

It is a sad day.

Gather up breath now.

I just barely opened my mouth, when the yankie noticed me.

His eyes grew large.

"YOU WANNA TRY?" He screamed.

"Excuse me?" I shot back.

"OF COURSE YOU DO!" He continued to yell, flapping his arms about like a crazy.

What sort of medication was this man on!

"EVEYONE'S A WINNER!"

Let me rephrase that. What medication SHOULD this man be on?

Before I could suggest anything, he pointed crazily to a sign:

2 dollars for 3 throws.

What exactly was he suggesting?

But I didn't want to risk not paying the man; he looked too far-gone to be reasoned with.

I quickly gave him the amount from the wad of cash I had down the front of my pants.

Yes, down my pants.

But the man did not seem disturbed by that fact at all, he actually seemed quite thrilled at the two dollars he was clutching.

I was going to back away then, and try to find someone to bitch to, but the man stopped me.

"Try to hit one then!" He replied, gesturing to the balloons behind him, and then placed on the counter what looked to be 3 darts.

I looked at the darts.

Then to the shiny balloons.

Then back to the darts.

Then back to the crazy homeless person who was off busy screaming at other random civilians.

Okay, maybe if I just threw one he'll let me go.

I picked up one of the small darts, and took aim at one of the balloons.

Then, putting all my strength into my arm, I threw it.

…..It has been quite some time since I last threw anything.

Actually, the last thing I remember throwing was that peanut at Shigure at the banquet last year.

But I must say, I don't recall it ever being this painful.

I looked to where I felt the most pain.

And so did the crazy, destitute, freak.

"HOLY CRAP!" He yelled.

I rose an eyebrow, then plucked the dart out of my pierced hand.

Hmmm, I guess I should have thrown harder, and perhaps should have kept my other hand off the counter.

Of course, my hand didn't bleed, that hasn't happened for a while.

The male, meanwhile, was throwing a fit.

"Oh shit! Oh shit! Dude, that was AWESOME! I'm so fired! AHHH! Here! Here! Have a stuffy!" He cried, and handed me a giant giraffe-like stuffed animal.

Well, since this guy was so willing…..

"I want a balloon." I demanded.

"OF COURSE! It's yours! Just as long as this little accident doesn't get reported or anything…"

I nodded, accepted the balloon he held out, and turned around.

Now where to, I ponder?

I suppose, maybe the place that was right in front of me?

Apparently, this place (which was no more then a dirty old tent) was a Temporary Tattoo Quarters.

Ahhh! I've always wanted one of these! But Hatori whore said that I could get an allergic reaction to it.

But screw him, he's not here. And I am.

I walked over to the tent clutching my stuffed animal and balloon, and sat upon the smelly chair.

Ohhh……..smelly! How I shuddered.

Before I could get up and move to a less bacteria infested seat, I was approached by a "Big Hairy Warrior" type of woman.

She smelt worse then the ass germ infested chair.

"I understand, that you would like a tattoo?"

"Yes" I said to the………'female'.

"Anything in particular?"

Hm……now there's a good question.

"Something scanty." I commanded.

She smiled a huge manly smile and went away for a few seconds, then returned holding a little piece of paper, a cotton ball, and some sort of liquid in a bottle.

"And where would ya like it, honey?"

Ewww…..I've just been violated……..

Cringing, I was quick to reply.

"Calve"

Without a word, she walked over to where I sat, fondled with the bottom of my pants for a moment, and did what she was paid to do.

……..Ignore that statement.

A few minutes later, it was done, and on my calve was the image of the tattoo.

……..

It was……….

A pair of female panties.

………

Not bad, I must say.

I dug into my crotch pouch and pulled out the amount requested, and walked away from the now disturbed…woman.

I was near something called a "Beer Garden" when pain started to shoot up through my leg.

Gasping I stumbled into the "Beer Garden" doorway.

That's where things went all wrong.

Well, I think things must have gone horribly wrong, the only thing I remember was the familiar smell of urine infested java.

And then, blackness.

I was roused by sudden giggling sounds.

Truthfully, I really didn't feel like opening my eyes.

But, I did anyway.

And what did I find?

Well I found myself under the bleachers, it appeared.

And what was giggling?

Well, you probably guessed it, an old man.

……Petting my hair.

Inhale, Aktio……

"HATOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! SAVE ME! I'M GETTING RAPPPEDDDDD!"

There was a sudden gasp from the old pervert, and then, I heard it.

A voice.

A beautiful, sensational voice.

"Akito-sama! Is that you!"

Oh YES!

My bitch is here! MY BITCH!

The old man was panicking now, and he wasted no time in wondering off away from me.

……….what! No thanks! No apologies! DIDN'T GET A GOOD ENOUGH FEEL?

"……..What did you do now?" A voice suddenly broke into my mental rant.

I looked up and found myself facing, indeed my whore, who was looking at my leg in disgust.

I looked down, and noticed that Whore Tori did have a good point to be disgusted.

The pant leg had ridden up to reveal my pale leg, which was covered with blisters, blood, and some ants.

Oh yes, and you could still see a disfigured image of a thong.

And, to make matters worse, it smelt.

I was nearly in tears.

It was a time………TO ANGST!

Why must everything go SO WRONG for me!

I didn't ask for it!

All I wanted in life was a normal body, a few bitches, and some shiny things!

Speaking of shiny things…

My balloon was gone.

So was my giraffe.

I let out a pitiful sob.

Hatori Whore sighed in frustration, and picked up my limp form from the ground and walked towards his sexy car.

Oh SIGH!

Woe is me.

I think, that it is time I should retire from rebelling.

I mean, I have done enough already;

Went to a Mr. McDonalds Whore House, went to a gay bar, and done many more things! Even celebrated "Hall-O-Wang!"

But alas, I was too weak for this.

…..

…..

……

………..

And just to top it off, some random piece of litter flew at my face.

Growling, I unraveled my arm from Hatori Whore's neck and took if off my face.

Then stared at it.

Blinked, and stared at it again.

Hmm….

Now, there would be something VERY interesting to do!

I pocketed it for later.

Thankfully, Hatori Whore didn't notice.

I smirked.

There shall be, another rebel activity.

A/N: And that's that.

Another pointless, stupid, ch.

Liked it?

Hated it?

Male Akito is pretty, yes?

I wanna hear all about it! So drop me a review!

Akito: Obey.

Till I write more crap! See ya next Ch!

DG3


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